drama-free

As I rode my bike home yesterday I thought about choices.
I love my job and enjoy my co-workers.
I learn new things every day. I use what I learn to help people.
Basically, I'm very happy at work.

All the staff in my program share responsibilities.
There is quite a lot of camaraderie and teamwork.
There is also a little bit of office politics.

Is this typical? It's not something I'm very familiar with. I'm a little unsure of how to respond.
Communication becomes something that takes careful thinking.
I don't want to over-think, however, because then everything becomes awkward.

I have decided that I will not participate in anything resembling gossip.
(It can be tempting--but brings nothing of value to the situation, and can cause damage).
I need to learn to either step away, or say "I don't need or want to know that."
If something affects how I do my job, or there are inappropriate dynamics, I also need to speak up.
That's challenging sometimes.

I spend a lot of my life in the workplace these days. It's an uncomfortable feeling to "watch my back".
I can't quite let my guard down, but I can choose to create the environment I want to work in.
So no engaging in negative behavior or communication, either overtly or covertly.
Put positively, being respectful and courteous to all, recognizing strengths, and assuming positive intent.

I like drama in the movies, in novels. That's enough.

How about you--have you ever had this kind of experience?

minimizing monday

If I were packing up to move to Rennes tomorrow (which I am not), what would I ship across the ocean? What would I be willing to pay to keep in storage?

This is my inspiration for my current round of home decluttering. It's the Act As If phenomenon.
I wrote about that concept last year--I was inspired by something another mom said to me, when she declared that rather than give into fears, she had decided to act as if the world she lived in was the world she would want to live in. In other words, she had decided to create her world as she wished it to be. To dream and think and act it into being.

Although I really would love to move to Rennes, I don't think I really want to move there tomorrow (though if I could just transport back to that cozy little creperie Le Sarrasin for weekly Friday evening buckwheat crepes and cider, I would be pretty content...). My boys are happy at their schools and with friends, Minou's business is picking up and taking off, and I have an exciting professional opportunity starting soon (more on that later). However, I want to be ready to move to Rennes in case the opportunity unexpectedly presented itself. I would want it not to be an enormous headache to prepare myself for a transition. Like the inspiring Minimalist Mom, who had already completed extensive decluttering when her husband had a work opportunity overseas... and she was able to move her family with fairly minimal preparation.

So I am still following the slow gradual approach (it works best for me for almost everything, I do believe). Also, I am leading by example. I can not declutter anything that is not mine. I like to think that I have made vast strides...but then I realize that actually, I have more clothes and shoes than any other family member (and this is after making vast strides!)

So here's to go...

Clothing (mine AND p'tit minou 2's rejects)

Bag (from a conference I attended--we have plenty already)

LP records (we have no way to copy these now)

and the hardest of all, books

...the books are either works that I verified the library had, or that my honest answer to the questions "will I read this again?" or "will I read this?" was No.

house hunger

Every so often I am seized by an irrational desire to move (or move house as the British say).
When it strikes, I often can't resist looking at real estate websites for my city.

I love our little house, the garden, the light and trees around, the proximity to my mom (next door), good friends (scattered all around), and the feeling of being in a community. It is a really good situation in so many ways. I am fortunate.

But but but...more space, and somehow the promise of something different, a new way of seeing and experiencing the world that comes with being in different surroundings, are so appealing. It takes us off of the auto-pilot of routines, opening our perceptions and senses, just like travel.

I also would like (if we could, which we can't, now) to invest in property and rent out homes. So sometimes I justify my desire to look at real estate that way. Just in case there are any super bargains in super neighborhoods, you know.

Anyway, yesterday I was seized by one of those moments. I have to learn to resist--it's like window shopping. I read somewhere that we take ownership of something when we try it on, making it harder to resist the purchase. Therefore, when sticking to a budget, find other forms of entertainment besides windowshopping! It makes sense...and the same is true for the house photos. I start imagining us living in them. More space! An office for Minou! A third bedroom! And then, when I come back down to earth and realize the financial and practical infeasibility, I feel extremely grumpy for a while. Well.

Minou kindly pointed out to me the immese stress and amount of work moving actually entails--as evidenced by our good friends who recently went through the process and are still working on both houses, new and old. Which led me to my new resolve. I'm going to organize our home as if we were moving. Putting like things together, grouping and culling and cleaning. It will make it a much more comfortable place to live, now, and for the future...who knows?

dear departing daughters

Two friends of mine, amazing women, mothers, and nurses both, just said goodbye to their only daughters this week. The late-teen daughters set off around the globe on adventures in two countries, one in Asia and one in Europe. One daughter will be gone for one year and one for four years, both to study.

Both my friends are so excited for their daughters, proud, worked to make this happen. It's a testament to their parenting that their daughters have become the smart, confident, capable and inquisitive young women that they are, heading off to explore the larger world and realize their dreams. But it's hard. The daughters are dearly missed.

Now, I don't happen to have any daughters, myself. But I am a daughter, and I remember setting off on my own study abroad adventure many years ago. I remember the dismay in my mom's face as she said "China? Are you sure?...Will I ever see you again?"

But she let me go in the end, with encouragement, love, air mail envelopes (no internet then) and long underwear. Thankfully, my friends and their daughter now have Skype and email, as well as long underwear. And always, love and encouragement.

...and another thing....

Today's post (which I actually wrote last night) was timely, because I woke up to a grey, drizzly morning and wet clothes on the clothesline.

I did get on my bike and set out to work, but a couple of miles into my ride I was done with riding in the rain, unless I could acquire some little windshield wipers for my glasses.

So, I stopped downtown, wheeled my bike onto the rapid transit bus, and mulled over why the hefty $130 felt like such a good investment for this frugal mama. I usually hate spending money (every dollar spent is a dollar not going into the Roth IRA), but I feel well satisfied supporting my local transit company.

I'm investing in my community. Not only helping the environment, but helping keep the bus company afloat with my fees. If enough customers subscribe, it keeps rates low and routes open for non-driving populations who depend on public transportation: youth, the elderly, disabled riders, and low-income people.

here's what I need!
image source: http://www.freepatentsonline.com/6640379.html

Act As If

Several years ago, I had a conversation that I won't forget. I was talking with a group of moms after school at the boys' elementary school. As background, it was a French-immersion public school situated in the wooded lowland hills of our city. Because it was an alternative school, meaning there was a lottery system for entry, there was no school bussing. Families were on their own for transportation, and it was several miles at least from the downtown center. A city bus ran nearby, but with a healthy  hike to reach the  school from the bus stop.

On this warm afternoon, a mom I didn't know arrived by bicycle to pick up her children and joined the group. Being an aspiring bike commuter, I began quizzing her about where she lived, the length of her commute, how she managed it, etc. What I found out surprised me. As it turned out, she was newly divorced and had undergone many large lifestyle changes in the recent past, out of both necessity and choice. She had moved with her kids to a new home at least 10 miles from the school, in a completely different part of the city. She had also returned to the workforce. Not wanting her kids to have to change schools, they had worked out a new arrangement that involved solo commuting for her two children, a boy and a girl in the third and fifth grade (around ages 8 and 10). They got themselves up and out the door by themselves and biked about 5 miles together by themselves to the downtown bus stop, where they caught the city bus that would take them almost to their school, loading their bikes onto the bus by themselves. After school, their mom picked them up by bike and they made the trip home in reverse but together.

That these kids were capable, responsible, smart, and stuck together as a cohesive family unit was amazingly evident. What astonished me was that their mom, an intelligent and caring woman, felt comfortable to let them do this at the ages of 10 and 8. Our smallish city is relatively safe. Crime statistics are low. However, the  perception of risk "out there" to our children is continually magnified. By watching TV and reading the front page of the paper, we can convince ourselves that the world is a very dangerous place. I am still a little leery (for my older kids) of the downtown bus stop where these children changed buses alone. It is a hangout of many hanger-outers. Once I witnessed a police drug-bust scene from the window of the public library next door.

"How can you do that?" I asked her, teetering between admiration and judgment and trying to appear diplomatic. "Feel comfortable, I mean, to trust your kids to be so independent at this age? And trust the world? I mean, it's great, that you are all getting exercise, being environmentally conscious, teaching life skills..." I trailed off. The question lingered "But how?"

She seemed amused and a little impatient with my question. "Well," she answered, "I came to a point, after everything had changed, when I decided that it was time I had to Act As If. That I had to act as if the world I live in is the world I really want to live in. That I have to create that world myself. The one I want to live in. I trust my kids, and I believe that the world we live in is safe for them."

Wow! I have thought about this conversation for several years now. I know that this mom was not naive. She had done many trial runs with her kids prior to starting this commuting plan. They knew who to go to if they needed help and had safety plans in place. She was not trying to wish a different world into existence, but she was actively trying to create one through her intentions and actions.

What would you do if you Acted As If??