baby steps

Oh how I love this concept, yet need to relearn/remember it again and again, over and over.
By nature I'm somewhat impatient and all-or-nothing.
As soon as I start jogging, my mind drifts toward that long-dreamed-of marathon.
No, ultramarathon!
As soon as I begin decluttering, I despair that my home will never (and of this I am sure) resemble the serene empty loft of Miss Minimalist.
As soon as I begin to pick up the pile of library books from the floor, I wish the cobwebs on the ceiling and grime behind the fridge were gone forever...
And why can't I remember every anatomy & physiology fact I have memorized,
And fully fund my 403 (b) AND Roth IRA yearly, and.....
Anyway, you get the picture.
What I have learned (and relearned) over the years is that this type of thinking makes me unhappy.
Very unhappy.
Because then life is all about a future point I'm not at yet, a goal that feels unattainable....and not the process.
Life is now, as we live it, this moment.
So....I will choose to point my intentions in the direction I want to go, and take baby steps.
Being satisfied with each movement.
I can't remember where this mantra first came from, but over the years I have reminded myself "Take positive steps toward the good."

It's 2012!
We spent a few days around New Years at the coast with my mom in a luxurious apartment that felt like a boat, looking down over the stormy Pacific Ocean, watching clouds and waves rolling in and out. It was wonderful. Lots of good food & chocolate, family pool time, movies and reading Little Town on the Prairie with G2, exercising in the gym, and TV for my poor deprived boys (no TV reception at home, by choice, though they have recently discovered Hulu). G1 and I connected with House Hunters and were addicted. It's like pornography for people who like looking at homes, especially for those who live in small spaces.

While there, I really, really didn't want to come back home....holidays over, back to work, crowded feeling home, school, and routines.

And yet, when we got back home--it all surprised me by how good it felt. Home is smallish and crowded, but also cozy, warm, and comfortable (and small means easier to clean, not that I do too much of that). Work was refreshingly busy and quick, and I remembered how very much I like my coworkers and feel lucky to do meaningful work I enjoy. The boys settled back into school routines smoothly. G2 is glad to get back to ballet. Minou got some very good professional news. I love my family and am lucky to share my days with them. I feel cheerful. Life is good.

And while I realize that moods ebb and flow like the waves, I want to try to see the the bright side, to choose optimism, and keep my eyes off the anxiously distant goal and focused in front of me on positive steps toward the good. Baby steps!