our lady

Our Lady of the....

missing toilet paper???!

Set up in my meditation space to "scare the something out of me".

(the downstairs bathroom was bare of its usual stock)

Teenagers! You've got to love them. What am I going to do with these practical jokers?

On another note...I started back to school (on-line) yesterday. Please chant with me: B-S-N! B-S-N!
Only five and a half more months to go. Although blogging here is one of my favorite recreations, I need to put myself on a blogging schedule so that I limit my procrastinating diversions. Therefore, I will try to stick to twice a week, on Tuesdays and Saturdays. If you see me here at other times, feel free to send me either encouraging or scolding emails regarding getting back to work.

intentions

Intentions. They are the guide, the pointer.
Imagine a child preparing to take a turn at the pinata at a birthday party.
Blindfolded, she is spun around and around, and then sets out with her stick in the direction she thinks the pinata hangs, swinging wildly. Sometimes she is heading in the opposite direction.

When we take off our blindfolds and point ourselves in the direction we want to go, we make progress.
We may not break the pinata and be showered with candy, but we are getting closer to it.
(I'm not sure this metaphor is working, but you get the idea).

I have so many intentions in so many directions.
Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning in circles because I'm not sure which way to head first.

I find myself thinking and worrying about finances quite a bit. It's not a bad thing, but it can become a mental groove that I am stuck in. This is really not where I want my life's energy and intentions to be focused. Security for my family and myself  is important, but fretting is not productive and is a limitation. Our time here is limited. I'm middle aged--yikes! Where do my intentions really lie?

Growth. Spirituality. Relationships. Creativity.

Last night, I sat down for my nightly Sitting and could not turn off my monkey mind. What was worse was that I didn't really want to. It was much easier and more comfortable to go around and around the questions of the mortgage and retirement savings and how to pay for college than it was to focus on Love and Kindness.

I want to set concrete goals and take steps toward them in the areas of my life, such as finances, that I tend to worry about--to put them on auto-pilot. Instead of worrying each month how much extra I can put toward the mortgage, I can make a lump-sum payment now, and stop thinking about it. Instead of fretting about the ever-increasing food bill, I can plan meals and use the envelope system. That way, I am working on goals and making progress, even if incremental, and can let go of the fretting.

Then I can  focus my life energy on the core values.

sitting

Gosh, it's hard. Will it get easier?
The first evening, I sat alone (on Sheepie), but forgot to hang a "do not disturb" sign down the ladder.
So many calls, questions, "What should I prep for dinner? Where is the xyz?"
Also, with part of my mind I was repeating
"I breathe in love...I breathe out kindness..."
I was happy with that part.
The other part of my mind, the part that kept running away from me, was flashing from one thing
to another with lightning speed. Flickering through all kinds of random thoughts, emotions, pictures.
I wasn't happy with that part.
What was interesting was that the two things were happening simultaneously.
And yet another part kept saying "My knees hurt. Are we finished yet? This is taking forever.
It must have been twenty minutes already. When will the music start? My toes itch..."
and then just when I finally relaxed into it a bit and forgot to wonder when the time would be up...
it was.
I think it helped me feel a tiny bit more calm and bemused at dinner, however, when someone whispered confidentially that the potato gratin dish I had prepared made them want to vomit. Can't please everyone!
And although I looked forward to sitting all day yesterday (sort of),
I had an evening meeting after dinner, then walked the dog, then watched an episode of House en famille
(it's hard to turn up a chance to snuggle on the couch between Minou and P'tit Minou Un),
and then it was ten o'clock and time for bed...
and then did I sit?
yes. but not for long. in the dark. waiting for the music to start so I could go to bed.

Retreat

Oh it is bliss to have a retreat space, I tell you.
It's hard to imagine how restful this feels unless you have been without one for a while.
Here is what our Attic looked like while it was still under construction, just over a week ago:

And here is that same space now:

Nice, yes? Just under that window is my Sitting Space.

We are currently five people in the house, and we have a total of seven pillows.
Two were borrowed for the occasion of Mamie's visit.
I'm in no hurry to go out and buy anything.
In fact, when that thought "I need to get...."  arises, I do my best to think my way around it.
Do I really need to get whatever it is? Why do I want it?
Is there some other way to meet that need?
In this case, there was a way to meet the wish of padding while sitting: Sheepie.
A beloved relic of my childhood that has remained, despite not being embraced by the P'tit Minous.
(for some reason, maybe his beady button eyes, they found him creepy).
He makes a very fine pillow.

And this makes a very fine reading and retreat space, even if the insulation isn't covered yet.