I think that I need to change the concept of simple sunday to
Please, share your ideas for simple living with ME! sunday.
Life is not feeling very simple these days.
Much as I would like it to not be there, there is a weight like a stone of stress on my shoulders.
I have an amazing family. Minou in my life. Two beautiful and brilliant boys.
A home. A garden. Wonderful friends. Work that I value and enjoy.
Even, these days, sunshine.
I'm not sure what the stress is from. It is heavy. Sometimes doing things feels like too much effort.
Much as I love to learn, I feel privileged to study, I am finding it hard to be a student.
Cry me a river. So many people would love to have the opportunity.
I know that I am fortunate. But I am also tired.
I have been a student practically since the day my boys were born.
Throughout their childhood, exams and papers have lurked heavily in the background.
Movies I didn't watch with them. Books I didn't read. Times I felt impatient instead of engaged.
I am still trodding onward. I recognize the value of my study. Almost done with the 4th degree.
But what about the value of those moments with my soon to be out of the house boys?
One of them already wants very little to do with me. Makes me sad.
You can do anything, but you can't do everything. My mom was a single mother with three tough kids and little money, and there are many many things she didn't do with/for us, some of them big - but in this situation she also gave me many gifts, among them: understanding that while she loved me utterly, I was not the center of the universe; pride in my own self-sufficiency; and the ability to think before letting guilt drive my actions. There's more, but you get the idea. My mother failed me in many ways, but I am awed by the ways she did not.
ReplyDeleteWhat you are doing is also teaching things of great value - things that watching a movie with them or being 100% patient and engaged could not. (And you are able to do some really important things my mother could not.)
So my advice for simple living: release the guilt. Whenever you choose to do something, you must also choose to not do something else. As long as what you are doing is of value (and that includes nurturing yourself in silly ways), there is no point to the guilt.
Thank you DoctorMama.
ReplyDeleteIt's one of those lessons I have to learn over and over.